The key to a happy marriage: Focus on yourselfBack to all news

By Sayyed | November 25, 2016

As I was browsing through my FB account last night I came across a thought provoking image which resonated with me. The image, of a Muslim man and woman, had the following caption:

“She was looking for the perfect husband, he was looking for the perfect wife, yet Allah had created then to perfect each other.”

Whilst being somewhat cliché, the message goes to the heart of the very purpose of marriage.

It rightly suggests that over and above the need of both emotional and physical companionship , marriage has a greater purpose; marriage helps to cleanse and perfect the soul of its inadequacies.

Now not every marriage can achieve such lofty goals. Some marriages can in fact have the opposite impact.

Rather then allowing one to travel a path of successful self development, some marriages can harbour in a period of self combustion.

How can both extremes exist within the same entity?

The paradox lies in the word development.

Individuals that are only focussed on the development of their partners, often do so at the expense of developing a kinder, loving and more understanding version of themselves.

Where the force of change is directed outwards rather then inwards i.e. towards your partner rather then yourself, then the likelihood of receiving negative feedback, friction and resentment increases manifold.

In doing so you may only help to reinforce the idea that your partner is in some way incomplete or inadequate and there is nothing productive in making someone feel incomplete or inadequate….even when it may be true.

When you give your attention to what is negative in your partner you end up displacing (both in your minds eye, as well as in your partners self perception of themselves) whatever is good in them.

One should not underestimate the impact that years of negativity can have within a relationship. The best way of being able to help “perfect” your partner is actually to seek out and re-affirm their goodness, though it may be little and to cover-up and be patient with their faults, though it may be many.

To seek out the good. To bring it, actively and consciously to the forefront of your mind. It will increase the love that you have for your partner and increase your partners sense of self worth.

What I am suggesting however requires a commitment to self-development which, if practiced on a regular basis, will lead to building a beautiful marriage, family and hereafter for yourself.