By Sayyed | February 23, 2016
Why is it that so many relationships falter?
A recent study showed that in the UK nearly 42% of all marriages were expected to end in divorce. This is staggeringly high percentage. The lasting damage, especially when there are children involved, is immeasurable.
Marriage and mediation professionals often report that the biggest regret that partners feel following a breakup is wishing that they had known more about their partner before taking the plunge into marriage.
HAD THEY “KNOWN” that their partner was a
then they would never have agreed to marry them.
Surprisingly many of the couples that have these regrets are ones who have experienced a long courting or dating period.
How is it possible that marriages are too quick to fail after a long period of getting to “know” one another?
The getting to know stage of spouses selection can be of two types.
The first is to get to know someone through dating. In this scenario thoughts of marriage are not factored in until later on in the relationship. Often these relationships meander on for years before marriage is ever made a commitment.
The process of getting to know someone however is markedly different in the second scenario.
This is when one makes marriage the aim at the outset. This is the position advocated in Islam. Having a marriage mind-set means that you are clear about your aim and you are rational as can be about the things that are important for you.
If you are single and have an aim to find a suitable life partner, getting involved in dating, even when there is no physical contact involved may actually obscure your vision and hinder your objective.
As any marketer or advertiser will be able to tell you, the best way to disable the rational function of the brain is to activate the part of your brain that deals with EMOTIONS.
Brand development is all about building an emotional attachment to a product, enabling you to spend your money more readily, even if buying cheaper comparable goods are an option.
Using dating as a means to get to know someone better for marriage may actually be detrimental to your intended aim,
precisely because once you are emotionally attached to someone; you can’t see the wood through the trees!
Getting to know if someone is suitably matched to you first requires a more RATIONAL APPROACH because before you give the core of your being to someone…
you need to explore many important differentials.
As such you are aiming to uncover possible differences to see what weight, if any, they may bear on your future lifestyle goals.
You are aiming to tackle major issues at the outset to see if they can be ironed out with cooperation NOW.
Being wise enough to explore these at the beginning of your search will mean you focus and deal with many of the problems that could cause division later on in the marriage, including differences in expectations pertaining to:
family/ in-laws/ children/ work/ schooling/ money/ family backgrounds and character traits.
Understanding your compatibility on these issues early on is a must and will help you understand whether……
…Mr or Mrs Right is actually….
…Mr or Mrs Wrong!